Why do people become bitter?

Bitterness is simply the result of not seeing suffering from God’s perpective.

Some purposes of suffering:

• For His power - Philippians 3:10 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,
• For His glory - I Peter 4:12-13 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
• For His reign - II Timothy 2:12 if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us;
• I Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
• Philippians 3:8 What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ
• I Peter 4:1 Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin.

Seven Steps to Turn Bitterness into Forgiveness

1 Repent of termporal values.

• Luke 12:13-15 Someone in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me." Jesus replied, "Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?" Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."
• Seeing loses as trades

2 Thank God for the Offense.

• I Thessalonians 5:18-19 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit's fire;
• Thanking God not for the offenses but rather His good and overriding purposes in allowing them to take place.
• Not able to thank God because we cannot be grateful to what happened.
• Assuming that God owes us something.
• Focusing on what we thought we should have received rather than on what we did receive.

3 View your offender as “God’s agent.”

• Job 1:20-21 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."
• Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
• II Samuel 16:9-10 Then Abishai son of Zeruiah said to the king, "Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head." But the king said, "What do you and I have in common, you sons of Zeruiah? If he is cursing because the LORD said to him, 'Curse David,' who can ask, 'Why do you do this?'"
• Luke 23:34 Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
• Acts 7:60 Then he fell on his knees and cried out, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." When he had said this, he fell asleep.

4 Learn God’s purposes for suffering.

4.1 Suffering is God’s way of GETTING OUR ATTENTION!

4.2 Suffering is our assurance that GOD LOVES US!

1. Hebrews 12:6-7 because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?
2. Hebrews 12:10-11 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

4.3 Suffering is God’s call for SELF-EXAMINATION!

3. I Corinthians 11:28-30 A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep.

4.4 Suffering is God’s way of CONQUERING OUR PRIDE!

4. Proverbs 13:10 Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
5. Proverbs 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
6. Proverbs 29:23 A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.

4.5 Suffering is a reminder of OUR WEAKNESS!

7. II Corinthians 12:7-10 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

4.6 Suffering is our motivation to CRY OUT TO GOD!

8. With our voice - Psalms 3:4 To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. Selah
9. Daily - Psalms 86:3 Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long.
10. In humility - Psalms 9:12 For he who avenges blood remembers; he does not ignore the cry of the afflicted.
11. With a pure heart - Psalms 66:18 If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened;
12. In praise - Psalms 56:9-10 Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help. By this I will know that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise—

4.7 Suffering is our evidence of SPIRITUAL WARFARE!

13. Ephesians 6:11-12 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

4.8 Suffering is God’s method of PURIFYING OUR FAITH!

14. I Peter 1:6-7 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

4.9 Suffering is God’s increasing our HATRED FOR EVIL!

15. Galatians 6:7-8 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

4.10 Suffering is our reminder to PRAY FOR OUR AUTHORITIES!

16. I Timothy 2:1-2 I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone-- for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.

4.11 Suffering is our signal to REEVALUATE PRIORITIES!

17. Psalms 127:2 In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat-- for he grants sleep to those he loves.

4.12 Suffering is God’s means of TESTING OUR WORK!

18. Matthew 7:24-27 "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."
19. I Corinthians 3:13,15 his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work…If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.

4.13 Suffering is God’s way of SIFTING OUR FRIENDSHIPS!

20. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

4.14 Suffering is God’s call to IDENTIFY WITH CHRIST!

21. Philippians 3:10 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,

4.15 Suffering is our motivation for OPEN ACCOUNTABILITY!

22. Judges 2:20-22 Therefore the LORD was very angry with Israel and said, "Because this nation has violated the covenant that I laid down for their forefathers and has not listened to me, I will no longer drive out before them any of the nations Joshua left when he died. I will use them to test Israel and see whether they will keep the way of the LORD and walk in it as their forefathers did."

4.16 Suffering is our preparation for COMFORTING OTHERS!

23. II Corinthians 1:3-5 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

5 Compare what you owe God to what your offender owes you.

24. The unforgiving servant - Matthew 18:35 "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
25. Colossians 3:12-13 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

6 Distinguish between forgiveness and pardon.

26. Forgive but not pardon
27. Micah 6:8 He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

7 Voluntarily invest in the life of your offender.

28. Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
29. Matthew 5:40-41 And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

Forgivness Worksheet

1. What things are causing my bitterness?

• Offender:_____
• Offenses:_____
• Temporal loss:_
• Have I carried out the steps of Matthew 18:15-18.

2. How does my bitterness reveal ungratefulness?

• What have I lost that is causing me to be bitter?
1. Reputation
2. Money
3. Possessions
4. Advancement
5. Health
6. Loved ones
7. Other
• In each case, what was given by God for which I can be grateful?

3. How are my offenders God’s agents?

• How will this fact change my attitude toward my offenders?

4. What are God’s purposes for my suffering?

• What specific benefits is God trying to bring into my life through my offenders?

5. Have I considered my debt to God?

• Specific ways in which I am “killing” my offender.
• My prayer to fully forgive my offender, date prayed:_

6. Have I separated forgiveness from pardon?

• My offender must make reconciliation with the following people:

7. What “treasures” can I invest in my offender?

q Pray for him.

q Greet him with a smile.

q Praise his positive qualities.

q Defend him to others.

q Express appreciation to him.

q Meet a basic need he has.

q Others: