The 20 self acceptance questions:

 

1.      Did God determine the details of my physical appearance before I was born?

2.      Does God allow birth defects and deformities?

3.      Did Christ come to heal me from all physical sickness?

4.      Would a loving God allow an obedient Christian to be severely scarred in an accident?

5.      Is it true that because of my sin nature my body is evil?

6.      Did God ever exclude anyone from service because of a physical defect?

7.      Do severe defects diminish my ability to have a happy life?

8.      Can defects which are caused by my sin or carelessness have the same spiritual benefit as birth defects?

9.      Is the major cause of inferiority the awareness of a personal defect?

10.   Does God expect me to accept my facial appearance just as it is?

11.   Can I ever expect God to supernaturally remove defects?

12.   Is rejecting myself the same as rejecting God?

13.   Is ridicule most effectively handled by ignoring it?

14.   Is it possible to cover up self-rejection?

15.   Although Christ was perfect, was He afflicted with difficult “unchangeable” features?

16.   Do my clothes indicate a measure of my self-acceptance?

17.   Should I strive for self-acceptance to improve my self-confidence?

18.   Must I know my spiritual gift in order to fully accept myself?

19.   If I like myself, does it mean that I have accepted myself?

20.   Once I accept myself, do I solve the problem of self-rejection?

 

1         Did God determine the details of my physical appearance before I was born?

1.1         God prescribed me before I was born

1.2         God knew me before conception

1.3         God treated me as a person before my birth

1.4         God formed me to fulfill His purpose

1.5         God fashioned me in the womb

 

·        Psalms 100:3 Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his ; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

1.6         Symptoms of Self-Rejection

·        Inappropriate attempts to hid defects

·        Need for things or titles as status symbol

·        Overattention to clothes

·        Change of hair color

·        Inability to trust God

·        Conformity to fads

·        Self-criticism

·        Inability to love others

·        Excessive shyness and self-consciousness

·        Wishful comparison with others

·        Attitudes of superiority and sophistication

·        Mocking physical features in others

·        Disabling fear of failure

·        Continuous underachievement

·        Name dropping

·        Social climbing

·        Inability to accept a life partner

·        Extravagance in purchasing items

·        Flattery of admired people

·        Living beyond my income

·        Hypersensitivity to criticism

·        “Fishing” for compliments

·        Neglect of appearance or bodily care

·        Boisterous or argumentative behavior

·        Criticism of other people

·        Inability to give compliments

·        Inability to receive compliments

·        Downgrading my personal abilities

·        Flirting with the opposite sex

·        Overdone makeup

·        Use of elevator shoes

·        Excessive talking

·        Preoccupation with diets

·        Forcing my children to excel

·        Poor eye contact

·        Need for constant approval

·        Comparison of unchangeable features

·        Rejection of family or background

·        Bizarre actions or statements

·        Exaggeration of achievements

·        Neglect of family to please others

·        Violation of standards to be popular

1.7         What are God’s Unchangeables?

1.7.1        My parents

·        Romans 5:20 The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more,

·        I Samuel 2:11 Then Elkanah went home to Ramah, but the boy ministered before the LORD under Eli the priest.

·        I Samuel 3:19 The LORD was with Samuel as he grew up, and he let none of his words fall to the ground.

·        Psalms 68:5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

·        I Timothy 1:2 To Timothy my true son in the faith: Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.

·        Philippians 2:20-21 I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.

1.7.2        My Time in History

·        Esther 4:14 For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

1.7.3        My racial background

·        Galatians 3:28-29 There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.

1.7.4        My national heritage

·        Titus 1:11-13 They must be silenced, because they are ruining whole households by teaching things they ought not to teach--and that for the sake of dishonest gain. Even one of their own prophets has said, "Cretans are always liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons." This testimony is true. Therefore, rebuke them sharply, so that they will be sound in the faith

1.7.5        My gender

·        Deuteronomy 22:5 A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this.

1.7.6        My birth order

·        First born – older brother of prodigal son

·        Second born – prodigal son

·        Third+ born – David

1.7.7        My brothers and sisters

·        Joseph and his brothers

·        Cain and Abel

1.7.8        My physical features

·        Height, bone size, eyes, nose, ears, complexion, teeth, hair, feet, hands, sight, hearing, voice, chin, body build, metabolism

1.7.9        My mental abilities

·        II Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

·        I Corinthians 1:27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

1.7.10     My aging and death

·        Psalms 90:10 The length of our days is seventy years-- or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.

·        Psalms 90:12 Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.


2         Does God allow birth defects and deformities?

God’s purpose – to conform us to image of Christ.

God’s creation of man and woman was perfect; however; willful disobedience brought about spiritual and physical deformity, disability, and death.

Physical defects can be caused by negligence, aggression, or failure of other people.

·        Exodus 4:11 The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD?

·        Isaiah 45:9 "Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker, to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?' Does your work say, 'He has no hands'?

·        Exodus 20:5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,

·        Romans 8:28-29 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.

Defects (temporal physical features) à reminder of my need to obey the Lord (image of Christ – eternal).

3         Did Christ come to heal me from all physical sickness?

Christ came to heal me from all the diseases of my soul.

·        Psalms 103:3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,

3.1         Sickness Unto Death

·        Romans 5:12 Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned—

God has the power to heal, however, it does not mean that everyone will be healed. (Elisa, Paul)

3.2         Sickness for Chastisement

·        I Corinthians 11:28-32 A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself. That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep. But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment. When we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be condemned with the world.

3.2.1        Examining my thoughts

·        II Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

3.2.2        Examining my words and promises

·        Matthew 12:36-37 But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

3.2.3        Examining my actions

·        II Corinthians 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

3.2.4        Examining my motives

·        Jeremiah 17:10 "I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve."

3.2.5        Examining my food and drink

·        I Corinthians 3:16-17 Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.

3.3         Sickness for the Glory of God

·        John 11:4 When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."

·        John 9:2-3 His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

·        II Corinthians 12:9 “… Mostly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me”.

4         Would a loving God allow an obedient Christian to be severely scarred in an accident?

·        II Corinthians 12:7 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.

God may sacrifice outward beauty in order to develop inward character

·        II Corinthians 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.


5         Is that true that because of my sin nature my body is evil?

5.1         We are created in the image of God

·        Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

·        Psalms 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

5.2         We are desperately wicked

·        Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

·        Romans 7:18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

5.3         Sinful nature

·        Romans 8:5,8 Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires… Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

5.4         Satan hates my  body and wants us to do the same

·        I Corinthians 3:16-17 Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.

·        I Corinthians 6:15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!

·        Romans 6:13 Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.

5.5         How can I overcome satan’s attack

·        Present my body to God - Romans 12:1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship.

·        Yield my members as servants - Romans 6:19 I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness.

·        Discipline my body daily - I Corinthians 9:27 No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

·        Keep my body a holy temple - I Corinthians 3:17 If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.

6         Did God ever exclude anyone from service because of physical defect?

·        Leviticus 21:17-23 "Say to Aaron: 'For the generations to come none of your descendants who has a defect may come near to offer the food of his God. No man who has any defect may come near: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed; no man with a crippled foot or hand, or who is hunchbacked or dwarfed, or who has any eye defect, or who has festering or running sores or damaged testicles. No descendant of Aaron the priest who has any defect is to come near to present the offerings made to the LORD by fire. He has a defect; he must not come near to offer the food of his God. He may eat the most holy food of his God, as well as the holy food; yet because of his defect, he must not go near the curtain or approach the altar, and so desecrate my sanctuary. I am the LORD, who makes them holy.'"

·        II Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

7         Do severe defects diminish my ability to have a happy life?

Attractive people tend to be more unhappy because:

Beatitudes - Blessed (how happy and spiritually prosperous) are the …

8         Can defects which are caused by my sin be spiritual benefit?

There are consequences to sin:

·        Genesis 3:16-18 To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field.

These consequences should turn into daily reminders which will greatly benefit my spiritual life.

9         Is the major cause of inferiority the awareness of a personal defect?

Comparison - II Corinthians 10:12 We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.

Must not compare in

·        Physical appearance

·        Mental abilities

·        Family characteristics

·        Social heritage

Inferiority is caused not by a defect, but by the lack of a positive, Scriptural meaning for the defect.

10      Does God expect me to accept my facial appearance just as it is?

·        Proverbs 15:13 A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.

·        Daniel 1:15 At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food.

My countenance is one of  my most important means of expressing Christ’s love and truth to others. Because of this, I should evaluate whether facial blemishes or defects are distracting from my words and whether they can be corrected.

The purpose of any facial correction should not be to make me more attractive but to decrease distractions from the message that God wants to communicate through me.

11      Can I ever expect God to supernaturally remove defects?

If I have thanked God for an unchangeable defect, turned it into a mark of ownership, and used it as a motivation to build inward character, God may choose to supernaturally remove it if it will proves to be a distraction to others or a hindrance to His work through me.

12      Is rejecting myself the same as rejecting God?

·        Ephesians 2:10 For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

·        Ephesians 5:29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—

Rejecting myself à rejecting God’s design à cannot trust God for the future.

13      Is ridicule most effectively handled by ignoring it?

Those who mock my unchangeable features are not mocking me – they are mocking my Maker.

Mocked à humility à grace from God

·        I Peter 3:9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

·        Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

·        Matthew 5:12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

·        II King 2:23-24 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

14      Is it possible to cover up self-rejection?

There are so many signals I communicate to others when I reject myself that it is impossible to hide self-rejection.

Story of Jephthah - Judges 11:1-12:7

15      Although perfect, was Christ afflicted with difficulty “unchangeable” features?

15.1      Ten “unchangeable” features in the life of Christ

15.2      Do you know why God “lets it happen”?

·        How can I be thankful for parents who are constantly fighting? ccc

·        How can I see benefit in losing my father? ccc

·        How can I thank God for a physical defect that is a constant source of embarrassment? ccc

·        How can I be thankful for a mental disability? ccc

·        How can I look at signs of aging with gratefulness? ccc

A.      This is my motivation to learn God’s principles of marriage harmony for myself and others.

B.       This is a daily reminder to me that my body was made and redeemed by God and belongs to Him.

C.       This is to remind me that my years are few and every day must count for God.

D.      This is to encourage me to become mighty in God’s spirit.

E.       This is my opportunity to learn and give genuine love to those who are in special need.

F.       This is God’s way of getting me to focus on my Heavenly Father as Christ did while on earth.

G.       This is God’s special classroom to learn patience, self-control, and discretion.

H.      This is my signal to become more mature and accept new responsibilities in the home.

I.        This is God’s way of giving me more grace through humility, so that I can experience Christ’s beauty.

J.        This is my motivation to meditate on God’s Word, which makes wise the simple.

K.      This brings me into a unique relationship with God because He is a Father to the fatherless.

L.       This is designed to encourage me to develop inward character such as joy, peace, and gentleness.

M.     This is God’s way of reminding me to prepare for eternity, when I will get a new body.

N.      This is my opportunity to let God show how He uses what the world calls foolishness to confound the wise.

O.     This is God’s reminder of the continuing consequences of disobeying His Word.


15.3      “Marks of Ownership” of Bible Character

Jacob, Paul, Moses, Zacchaeus, Timothy, Elisha, Jephthah, Joseph

1.      If I could change one thing about myself, it would be the circumstances of my birth. My mother was a harlot; consequently, I was rejected by my whole family.

2.      I had an unchangeable physical feature which resulted in public mocking. I also contracted an incurable sickness from which I died.

3.      My “mark of ownership” was a halting limp. It was caused by the shrinking of the sinew upon the hollow of my thigh.

4.      If I could have selected the members of my family, I would have chosen different brothers. The ones I had were very wicked and treated me cruelly.

5.      I pleaded with the Lord three times to remove my infirmity. Finally, God explained that it was my “mark of ownership”.

6.      My “unchangeable” physical feature was my size. I was very short of stature. I experienced situations which were difficult because of it.

7.      Even though I had special training, I felt very inferior and inadequate because of a speech problem which I had throughout my life.

8.      I lost my father as I was growing up. This caused me to need extra reassurance when I was given a task that I thought was too big for me.

16      Do my clothes indicate a measure of my self-acceptance?

4 Purposes of clothing

·        For modesty - I Timothy 2:9 I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,

·        For differentiation - Deuteronomy 22:5 A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this.

·        For protection – cold, rain, insect bites, uncleanliness, cuts, …

·        For symbolism - Numbers 15:38-39 "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: 'Throughout the generations to come you are to make tassels on the corners of your garments, with a blue cord on each tassel. You will have these tassels to look at and so you will remember all the commands of the LORD, that you may obey them and not prostitute yourselves by going after the lusts of your own hearts and eyes.

17      Should I strive for self-acceptance to improve my self-confidence?

·        Philippians 3:3 For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh-

·        Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

18      Must I know my spiritual gift in order to fully accept myself?

How gifts overcome inferiority

·        I Corinthians 12:15-16 If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.

·        I Corinthians 12:23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty,

·        I Corinthians 12:26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

How gifts conquer superiority

·        I Corinthians 12:21 The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!"

·        I Corinthians 12:22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable,

·        I Corinthians 12:24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it,

·        I Corinthians 12:25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.

19      If I like myself, does it mean that I have accepted myself?

Self-acceptance is far deeper than simply liking myself. In fact, it is really not related to liking myself at all! Self-acceptance is seeing God’s design for me and understanding the purpose of each feature which He has brought into my life.

20      Once I accept myself, do I solve the problem of self-rejection?

·        Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Conquering a poor self-image by demonstrating gratefulness


 


My 10 unchangeables

What do I see as defects in each one?

Are defects correctable? Are they for chastening? Are they for God’s glory?

What are the benefits of each unchangeable?

Have I thanked God?

How can I demonstrate my gratefulness for the benefit of others?

1. My parents:

 

 

 

 

 

2. My time in history:

 

 

 

 

 

3. My race:

 

 

 

 

 

4. My national heritage:

 

 

 

 

 

5. My gender:

 

 

 

 

 

6. My birth order:

 

 

 

 

 

7. My brothers and sisters:

 

 

 

 

 

8. My physical features:

 

 

 

 

 

9. My mental abilities:

 

 

 

 

 

10. My aging and death: